For the first time in my life I’m dating.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I’ve never dated. Hell, I was married once.  I’ve just never not been in a committed relationship.  This whole dating thing is new to me and it’s driving me crazy. 

I am a 49 year old woman and I’m feeling confused.  I just don’t know all the “rules” of dating. So in an effort to sort it all out I’ve decided that I need to write it all down.  Maybe then I can make sense of men...and myself. 

A little background

This dating madness began shortly after I broke off a two and a half year relationship.  I was in love with this man, but I can’t say for sure if he was ever in love with me.  He was my first boyfriend since my divorce.  Maybe that was the problem.  It had been so long since I had been out with a man, I was an emotional mess, a giant bowl of jello.  He was emotionally unavailable, I was overly clingy.  Not a good combination for a long lasting union.  I was ready to settle down, he wasn’t.  I had to finally find the strength to move on. 

I cried for weeks thinking I would never date again.  Would anyone notice me?  Would I be spending all my Saturday nights channel surfing and drinking cocktails by myself?  I am friends with gorgeous, exotic, skinny young women who don’t seem to have a problem catching someone’s eye.  I can't compete with that.  I’m well into middle age and well into middle age spread.

Let’s face it, at my age, the pickings are slim. Most men around my age are married, divorced but looking for someone younger, or their plumbing doesn't work.  Cruel, yes, I know, but oh so true. 

So here it goes.  My dating life.